morning/evening questions

I was sent these questions by a friend. My right arm is hurting from TCM (acupuncture and electric currents and chicken essence bottles to draw out the blood again) so I shall rest a bit and answer the questions, before starting on work.

Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.
― Epicurus

(the morning reflection)

  • What am I happy about in my life now?

Having just survived another round of TCM. Being able to drink kopi siu dai out of a plastic bag from the hawker centre. Drinking that a year ago would have induced instant diarrhea. Oh and I had biscuits with tuna mayo this morning!!! That is freaking amazing to me.

  • What am I excited about in my life now?

The possibility that the bulk of deadlines for my modules/final job interviews will end this week. If I suck at all of them, I will have April to try again. And May. And June.

  • What am I proud about in my life now?

My patience. I might be fatter but I am kinder to myself. I am regulating my emotions, my time, and not being very productive but as Frankl states, we are not aiming for a tensionless state, but rather, a balancing of tension. Between where I am right now and where I want to be. (I do moan a bit about my feelings to my friends, for whom I’m very grateful for. Hehe.)

  • What am I grateful about in my life now?

That I don’t have anxiety today. I might be ugly but I am not hiding under the bedcovers.

  • What am I enjoying most in my life now?

Learning more about myself? Going for service and learning new things every week? It’s like knowledge without having to pay money for it, if you discount the tithing.

  • What am I committed to in my life now?

Good question. This is a very good question. I don’t know. I feel that I am working but my productivity is decreasing (maybe cause it’s my period next week) and I don’t have any strong commitments that I made time for, unlike a month ago. I think I need to reconsider my efforts, but I am rather tired this month.

  • Who do I love?  Who loves me?

Again, this is a good question. I know my dad loves me because he bought me chicken feet to boil into a potato/onion soup at night (while he goes out for dinner with his friends). I know I love my old foster brothers but I am not allowed to see them. I was dreaming of a fattish and fair-skinned toddler while under acupuncture this morning, it really helps to take away my focus on the pain if I imagine a toddler with fluffy hair bringing me plates of imaginary char siew rice. I always teach them to ‘cook’ with toys haha.

(the night reflection, doing it for last night)

  • What have I given today?

My time writing blog posts and my time reading harry potter and the deathly hallows for the sixth time in my life. Also, I put in effort to participate in an online meeting, but that didn’t go very well lol.

  • What did I learn today?

That even during online meetings, I can’t touch my dog pillow or play with my phone because there’s a video camera function and everyone can see how distracted I am. Even if I contribute. Because being a facilitator requires attention, and it is not enough to just be an individual contributor. Also, to watch my tone and words used.

  • How has today added to the quality of my life or how can I use today as an investment in my future?

I enjoyed the writing bit! It’s a first draft done in one sitting, I could have edited it more. Actually, I am thinking about only allowing myself to write once every two weeks so that I can produce better content, instead of just uploading whatever comes to my mind because it then becomes very quantity > quality. I rarely find ‘flow’ when I am writing for ten minutes a day.

Cultivate the habit of being grateful for every good thing that comes to you, and to give thanks continuously. And because all things have contributed to your advancement, you should include all things in your gratitude.
― Ralph Waldo Emerson