where, Lord?

The past week has actually been quite tiring. Due to TCM reasons, even with my self-declared recess week I spent a large portion of my time sleeping. I had DG (cell group in other churches, but my church calls it discipleship group) yesterday night and I was exhausted at the end of it. The feeling when I haven’t drunk enough coffee to absorb all the people-energy around me. But DG is good because we get to read the Bible and discuss it, and also indulge in smaller prayer groups before the session ends. I say indulge because it is like therapy- even though the four main occupations in a 20-30 people group are doctor/dentist/lawyer/banker, with 4 stragglers not belonging in those occupations, they are human too. We get to listen to each other’s concerns, even if we are not from their line of work, it all boils down to a few things- wanting to be heard, wanting to hear other people, and living a peaceful and healthy life.

In my little prayer group I had one marketing person, three lawyers and one A&E doctor. I am the only one who hasn’t graduated and oh boy, the people who are working seem rather worn out by the end of the week. When there was the ‘say one interesting thing about your day’ a lot of them really didn’t say anything at all. At least, not anything ‘interesting’, I think the most interesting was a guy eating French toast with condensed milk for breakfast, and another’s patient not turning up for an appointment in the morning. Everything seems to be packed into ‘work’ and there is very little life left behind. And there’s a lot of bringing work home to do and working in shifts for the doctors, even though they are already seniors, and there’s a lot of friction between colleagues even though I would have expected them to be better coordinated as (older) adults. Is this what the future holds for me? But I would like to not be an overworked 32-year-old who is single and has no hobbies.

I am adult too, but sometimes I feel like I am playing at being one. For example, my lunch today was oatmeal pancakes (oatmeal + soy bean milk that is nearly expired, but if I finish it then it won’t get a chance to retire) and two packets of strawberry hello panda and white chocolate. That is the sum total of my nutrients, for lunch at least. Dinner was good, because mom was in charge and she made French-Chinese chicken radish soup. The chicken was French, the radishes were Chinese. I wonder where the mushrooms came from.

Other things this week: taking the last KPMG test tomorrow. I am really wondering what other jobs I want to do. Frankly business…I think I am not bad at it, I’m pretty sharp, but when I am no longer interested in making profits then it begs the whole question of “which company do you want to work for?” We all have to start somewhere but perhaps I should look into NGO postings. I am no longer driven by what I was driven by in the past- I still want to win, but my measures of success have changed.

Also. I spent the day reading. I finished Chris Holm and one Agatha Christie, am reading an anthology of short stories by Chuck Palahniuk, the dude who wrote Fight Club. He reminds me of A M Homes. Very good with his short stories. I also borrowed two books about Jeeves, but frankly, although P G Wodehouse is said to be the best writer of humorous English stories, I really, really can’t click with his writing. I am just bored by it.

We studied Luke 17 last night. The sentence that stood out to me was

It would be better for them to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around their neck than to cause one of these little ones to stumble.

Meaning- as practitioners of the faith, we must not do or say anything that will lead other people into sin. Including greed, swearing vulgarities, losing our cool. Which I felt tremendously *sighs* about because I swear on an almost daily basis.