I had a recurring dream last night. The previous time I had my dream, I had to fly to Changi to board a plane to Europe. It was a tiny, tiny plane, and I was squeezed into the pilot area. 5 rows of people, 7 or 8 chairs in each row. It was a very dimly lit, brown place. And I had powers, I could fly, and the wind did not hurt my eyes.
So in the dream last night I was attending this huge Pink Dot like party, a mass of people just milling about on the grass under the night sky, celebrating something I was a part of. And because I was a part of the people, I had no powers. I could not do anything, not even fly. And then I felt incredibly sad because I was so reliant on my powers as my identity- making things blow up, shifting objects, flying, being able to get anywhere really quickly, making grass turn into ice.
I knew that it was because I was part of a crowd and to have powers, I needed to be alone. Being alone not only physically, but far away from anyone on the grass patch, and the more alone I felt the stronger my fireballs were. I saw people just talking to each other and staring in the same direction and I wanted to experience their average happiness, their whole normal-life thing, but I knew what the tradeoffs were. It was just incredibly sad knowing that I had to get away, or I could stay with them and be a normal functioning human being but I would have nothing special, nothing that I could call my own.
And so I made my choice- I decided to fly away. I was zooming below something like a whale carcass, you know how as you fly you rise up higher into the sky and you have to be careful not to hit your head on the bones of the whale. It was hard to navigate because I was flying really fast and I had to get away from all the people, they were so much like and unlike me it was painful. Why is it that I have to be the only one to make this choice? Why couldn’t everyone choose- at least we could be alone together, apart but also alike. Every moment I spent with the milling crowd I felt more human, but also less myself.
Then before the dream ended there was something about flying to the airport but there were bombs on the train and no taxi would stop for me. Maybe it’s the after effects of watching Sherlock Holmes.
I think in real life, if I had the choice, I would still choose powers over being a walking human being. I would rather experience the joys of the unknown and live with them, than to stay on the ground forever.